Birth Day

On Tuesday 15th November 2011 my son Milo was born.

I had planned an elective cesarean because my first birth was an emergency one and this time they allowed me the choice. Because it was planned I had to fast from midnight the previous day in case there were complications and they felt it necessary to put me to sleep. I woke up at 6am on 15th and took an antacid as instructed. We got ourselves ready and our taxi arrived at 7. By 7.30 I had been admitted and we were making ourselves comfortable on the ward. We were put in a 4 bed with 2 other women who had their babies already. We were assigned a midwife who came in to introduce herself and gave us a rundown of what we could expect.  She told us she wasn't sure if we'd be first in or not yet but that we would be going down to theatre at either 8.30 or 10.30. I was scared but excited at this stage, it could all happen so quickly, very surreal.

The consultant arrived and told us we were first in and she was expecting it all to start at around 9am. She again ran through what I should expect, the anaesthetists also visited to introduce themselves. Bizarrely they got me mixed up with another expectant mum who was just 13.. funny story.. I guess I should be flattered. The midwife returned and gave me my gown and TED stockings (to prevent blood clots), she said to get ready and get out baby's first outfit to take down to theatre with me. It all seemed to be moving along really quickly and if it had stayed on course I think the whole day would have been better but unfortunately several emergencies came up and I didn't actually get called in to theatre until 3pm. I hadn't eaten and was pretty miserable by this stage, not to mention I'd had 6 hours to really freak myself out about having major surgery. The midwife came to get us, I brought my own pillow and walked to theatre. It was the single most scary experience of my life. I was not excited in the slightest, I couldn't be enthusiastic to meet my baby I was terrified. Lee was sent off to get his scrubs on and I was walked in to the anaesthetists room to have my Spinal Block. I was holding back tears and trying to lighten the mood. The staff were really friendly and helped keep my spirits up, I didn't cry. The worst part was having the cannula in my hand for the drip, that really stung. I had to sit up and hunch over to have the spinal administered. First they put in a local anaesthetic so I'd be numb, that wasn't pleasant but not too bad. Next  they had to have someone hold me in case I fell as they put in the block. It's almost instant so if you're leaning forward off a bed there's a good chance your legs could give way. I felt pressure in my back and a pushing they turned me and lay me down and I could feel a warm sensation moving down my legs almost immediately. They waited a while and did several tests with a cold spray to make sure I was numb. The oddest thing is you can feel everything but you don't feel pain. 

They wheeled me in to theatre which to my surprise was just another room, no harsh metal walls or anything scary looking at all.. just a room with some overhead lights set up. They got me in position and then brought Lee back in. By this point I was feeling okay, I was more worried that he would worry so reassured him I couldn't feel any pain but explained the strange sensation of still feeling the movements. They told me I wouldn't be able to tell when they started but I could, I was constantly talking to distract myself as they pushed and pulled me around. I felt a huge push on my tummy which I knew was them pushing him out and then a sucking noise like at the dentist. I've watched hundreds of birth programs and knew that was my waters which meant he was almost here. All of a sudden I felt a huge weight lift from me, seconds later he popped up over the curtain. I was so totally overwhelmed. I hadn't been able to see past the operation and hadn't prepared myself for the actual baby being born part so when he arrived it was just... huge. I didn't cry but I just felt so happy. I'd had an oxygen mask on for the operation up until then and they removed it then and gave the baby to Lee. He looked so happy and was laughing at the faces baby was pulling. He looked all pouty and mad to have been pulled out unexpectedly. It took a while to stitch me up and as they were finishing they sent Lee and baby to recovery to wait for me. He had fed him (15mls) while they waited and he dressed him before we went back to the ward. I held him and it was a totally different experience from my first birth, I felt a bond with him straight away. The sensation was coming back in my incision site while in recovery which made me nervous but it wasn't too painful. I couldn't have pain relief for 2 hours as I'd have had to have been monitored and been given oxygen so I decided to wait as it wasn't unbearable at that stage so it seemed unnecessary. 

Lee called my Mum and Ella as soon as we were back on the ward as they'd been waiting all day for news. They came to visit straight away and were soon joined by my Dad and my brother. Everybody loved him (obviously) but Ella especially, she wanted to stay with us in hospital. Lee stayed the night and barely slept at all, it was a difficult first night because we were in a shared room and the other babies were fussy so we were awake a lot and I was really sore. All in all it was better than I expected in some ways and worse in others. The operation was a drop in the ocean, nothing to be afraid of just a little nerve wracking, the pain afterwards was worse than I remember. While I was resting it was manageable but I was encouraged to get up and move around early and that was bad, I was light headed and sick. However... I am writing this a week on and I feel 100% better already. It happened almost overnight so it felt as though I wouldn't feel better for months but really in the grand scheme of things.. it's still not easy now and I'm still sore but one week of discomfort for something so precious.. absolutely worth it!

Miss BB

Denial

He's coming tomorrow. Tomorrow I am having a major abdominal operation. I am very much not ready for this!Everyone is so excited for his arrival and I just can't get there yet. Too Scared. TOO SCARED!! From midnight tonight I am on fast so no food or drink until he's out and I'm back in the ward. It's just 1 hour until then. I doubt I will sleep tonight, TOO SCARED! We've just about packed up for the hospital, I think I have everything I need but who knows.. I'm sure I'll have forgotten something. I've washed all of the baby bedding for when he comes home, His nursery is ready, everything is ready... NOT ME! I've taken a long, hot bath, I've scrubbed within an inch of my life and will shortly be smothering myself in shea body butter and attempting to relax.

Tomorrows post will be filled with joy and, if all goes according to plan, his first baby photo. For now I am in deep denial. I am not going anywhere tomorrow, nothing is going to be pulled out of me and I am not going to have a scary-looking incision to look after and need to be doped up on pain killers for the next few weeks. Nope! Nope Nope Nope!!!  

Miss BB

It's Only Just Begun

I just edited my "baby break" video to upload to my beauty channel. I'd planned to film an explanatory video to put up on my channel page for while I am too busy with baby things to make new videos. It was almost emotional (maybe it was the music I chose for the background) and I just can't believe it's time to upload it. Tomorrow is my last day as a mother of one. Tuesday Milo will arrive and change our family forever. I am excited and scared and overwhelmed.. No matter when or how a baby comes in to your life I don't think you can ever be prepared for it. My mind is buzzing with so many questions, Will he be ok? Will I be ok? What will he look like? What will happen when we bring him home? How will Ella be around him? At the moment I am still very nervous about the surgery and so some of my baby nerves are being pushes aside but every now and then they force themselves back in and I remember... there's going to be a baby here soon. A baby! It feels like the longest time coming but also that time has zoomed away from me. We waited so long to conceive him that it took me a long time to accept he was really coming so my pregnancy has felt lightening fast. I'm growing uncomfortable and am looking forward to getting my body back but I'm not quite ready to not be pregnant yet. I feel like I've only just begun my pregnancy and it's already over. At first I said absolutely no more, I wanted a second child but not a brood and now I'm not so sure. I have the benefit of many child bearing years still lying ahead of me so I can never say never. As I sit in bed, unable to sleep for braxton hicks and fierce baby movements, it would be very sad to think this is the last time I will feel these things. I am so pleased he is coming in such little time but I will miss him when he's gone from me. 

Miss BB

Week 38

It would seem the now little Milo is fully formed and ready to go there are no in-utero updates to share. He's the size of a leek and approx 6.8lbs. I missed a midwife appointment so I don't know how big he is in reality but I have my final meeting this Friday, Scary stuff! I have all the little vials to take for them to fill with my blood in case I need a transfusion. I was a little puzzled about this myself as the won't take enough to give me if I do need one so... why do they take it? hmm! I can only assume it's to check I don't have any nasties in my blood before the operation. I have all of my paperwork and instructions of what to do the night before/morning of the operation. I will have to be up at 6am to take a pill which kinda sucks but I imagine I'll be too excited to sleep anyway. I'm getting really nervous about the c-section now. I know it's routine and it's still preferable to going through hours of labour and potentially having to go in as an emergency section anyway but knowing I will be totally lucid and aware of everything freaks me out. I was off my head on everything they'd give me by the time they rolled me in to theatre the first time.. this time will be very very different. I'm nervous of the spinal block going in, I'm nervous of it wearing off halfway through and I'm possibly MOST nervous of the pain that I'll feel after it's all over and I've regained feeling. OUCH! All I can imagine is it will be like people say when they come-to after cosmetic surgery (I watch lots of reality TV) they say it feels like they've been hit by a truck. I don't want to feel like I've been hit by a truck! But this time next week he will be here and I will have to face it either way. 

I'm really hoping that the emotion of his arrival will put me in a bit of a blur and before I know what's happening the Spinal will have worn off and they'll have topped me up with pain killers. We'll see. I'm not scared about his arrival or bringing him home, I'm actually starting to get excited now. It's really happening. As has been the case throughout my pregnancy, nobody is as excited as my Mum. I'm a bit concerned she might explode when she first visits. Ella is excited... off and on.. I think once he's home and well and I'm recovering she will love it but I get the impression she's worried about me because she knows I'm having surgery. I think she's put off her excitement a little for the same reasons I have... just get that bit over with and know that I'm fine and then I can enjoy it. His room and everything is still only almost done. We're going shopping tonight for all of the last bits and pieces we need. More blankets for example... MILK for another. We're nearly totally ready for him. 

Miss BB

Week 37

So it's just 2 weeks before we get to meet our little guy and I'm finally feeling a little excited. in the last week I have bought most of the stuff we were missing. We still need a couple more newborn outfits for him, more blankets, toiletries and milk... it's felt like I have loads of time left to do these things but I really don't anymore. I have started watching all the baby programmes on Home & Health that I've avoided thus far.. I think they're helping me to remember what the first few days with baby are like and I'm feeling more relaxed. Ella is still really excited and she's been so grown up recently I'm no longer worried about her feeling pushed out. 

Baby is "full term" this week so if the worst happened and he made an early appearance all would be well.. he is fully prepared for the world. Many Mums experience "lightening" around this time which is when the baby drops in preparation for the birth and I think that's happened to me. People tell me he looks lower now.. I'm not so sure but I have been really sore at the top of my tummy/under my bust. The skin sometimes feels almost like it's burning and apparently this is a stretching sensation, ouch! I've been trying to relieve it with Aloe Vera which helps for a while but it's not comfortable I can tell you. Gradually my body has been telling me to slow down and do less. I still have pains at the top of my left leg that feel like a pulled muscle in my inner thigh and on the other side I experience occasional flashes of cramp. I get these pains even when I'm resting so walking any distance at all is not easy. Lots of people are asking if I'm looking forward to it being over but although I'm achey I'm not desperate to get him out.. I don't know if that's because of nerves about the operation or if I'm still not ready. I do know that my discomfort won't go away once he's born as I will be recovering from the c-section so whereas most Mums are awaiting that relief I know I won't get that straight away.. but that was my choice.As it is I take Ella to school and back and some not too strenuous house work but try to rest for the majority of my day. I'm beginning to wonder what the baby will allow my days to be like.. will he be fussy? will he be sleepy? Only time will tell... 

Miss BB

Keeping Fresh

As promised here's my follow up list of toiletries/makeup I intend to take with me in to hospital. Once I've actually packed a bag I will do a post and probably a video showing you what exactly I'm taking but in the meantime here's my checklist. I'm having an elective c-section so I know I will be in for a few days and I know from the last time I might not feel up to showering in hospital so soon after my operation so this is everything I think will keep me feeling fresh during my stay.

Lee will be with me a lot of the time and potentially even overnight... to see what he's packing in his bag click here for his post.

Toiletries

• Baby Wipes
• Deodorising Wipes
• Deodorant
• Face Wipes
• Dry Shampoo
• Toothpaste/Brush
• Mints/Gum
• Facial Moisturiser

Anything not to get a wash, right? I have no idea how I will feel this time, it might be completely different and I might be dying to jump in the shower but I was so nervous of my incision before it was the last thing I wanted to do. This time I intend to shave my legs and wash my hair the morning of the operation to give me the maximum possible time feeling totally clean. 

Makeup

• Tinted Moisturiser
• Concealer
• Powder 
• Bronzer 
• Blush
• Mascara
• Eyeliner
• Lip Balm
• Eyebrow Pencil/Powder

I'm pretty much taking a full makeup bag so I can pick and choose. I anticipate going very basic while I'm in hospital but the first photos of me with Ella I looked horrendous so I am adamant I will have at least some colour and definition this time. I swear I looked like a 12 year old in trouble!

If you can think of anything else I'm missing feel free to leave me a comment. It's not 100% locked down until I've packed the bag but that will probably be some time this week!

Miss BB

Week 36

I'm as surprised as anyone that I haven't been filling your reading lists with pregnancy updates but it would seem the closer I get to the birth the less interested I am in talking about it... is that strange? He will be here with us in less than 3 weeks and I'm not chomping at the bit for him to arrive. Time is passing alarmingly quickly for my liking actually. Early on when it feels like an age 'til it's over it's all fun stuff picking the pram, decorating the nursery, buying clothes and bottles.. now it's starting to feel a bit of an inconvenience. I have to buy more bottles?... I could spend that money on something else if I had a bit more time lol. My whole pregnancy has been a bit odd like that "feelings"-wise, I'm genuinely curious to see how I'm going to feel when he's actually here.

It doesn't feel like 36 weeks have passed and I just don't quite feel ready yet, y'know?  I mean we have all the stuff (pretty much) and if he arrived tomorrow my world wouldn't collapse... I'm prepared but.. I'm not READY. I've waited so long and now I don't know if it's nerves because of the operation or I'm still dumbfounded that we actually conceived the little one but I just don't feel how I thought I would. Next week I will be going to buy all the bits and pieces I need to stock my hospital bag, I still need to get some extra stuff for when he gets here and maybe then I'll feel ready, when I'm totally 100% prepared. In the meantime I'm stuck in this strange kind of limbo, not quite excited, not quite scared, not quite... anything.

  Anyway on with the actual baby update. To quote my baby bump app this week the baby is still gaining weight and becoming rounder in appearance. By the end of the week he will be considered full term. So officially by the end of this week I could pop and he'll be totally fine (in theory).When I went to be booked in for my section they told me they used to schedule them in the 37th or 38th week but discovered that more babies delivered electively in those weeks needed to be sent to the special babies unit (always makes me think of Law and Order... just me? never mind) for help with their breathing so they don't like to do that anymore. It's a strange concept to have not carried to term and already be given an end date. Ella was 2 full weeks late and they were in no hurry to get her out. This one will be born 3 weeks earlier.. so I'm not going to have all that huffing and puffing, awfully uncomfortable time that I did the first time around. That being said walking is no picnic anymore.. standing's no better and even sitting and lying down have their bad days. Every pregnancy is totally different, I can vouch for that, I didn't get any of the aches and pains I have now before and the practice labour has started already. I have warned him he'd better not try and come early but my Mum has been encouraging him every chance she gets, she wants an 11/11/11 baby.He's 5.75lb this week and the size of a Crenshaw Melon. When I googled "crenshaw melon" I found almost as many pictures of pregnant belly's as I did the melons themselves which leads me to believe this is a special strain of melon bred especially to indicate the size of a 36 week old baby in utero. Nevertheless... for your viewing pleasure may I present to you... A Crenshaw Melon... 

So there you have it. I'm going to miss these fruit comparisons so where possible once baby is here I will endeavour to take him to the supermarket and size him up against various goods to give you an idea of how big he is. By Christmas he might be as big as a box of cornflakes... one can only hope.

 

It's On!

It's done, it's booked, we have a date! The official ETA of our baby is 15th November.

I have been fretting about this consultant appointment for approximately 9 months and it could not have gone smoother. We arrived at 10.10 this morning, waited an absolute age for the doctor to see us (all the while freaking out on the inside - what if they make me push??? I don't want to push!!!) The doctor arrived and said "so... have you decided on a mode of delivery?" I said "I'd like a C-Section please" and she said... "no problem".

NO PROBLEM!!! I cannot tell you the relief I felt. After my first delivery I was nearly put off having more children altogether. I was 2 weeks overdue and they induced me..well... they attempted! They actually attempted 3 times between 8am and 8pm and at 10pm I was told visiting hours were over and so was left all alone in a 4 bed hospital room.. in the dark. 19, very pregnant and very scared. By 11 I was feeling contractions and I'd experienced some kind of waters breaking (a minor leak I was reliably informed) but I was not allowed anyone to come and be with me as I was not in "established labour" and as I knew.. visiting hours were over. During the course of the evening I was given various pain relief ranging from.. a hot bath (wtf? I was wailing in agony in said bath and did they care? no!) Gas and Air (fabulous by the way... if you ever get the opportunity you must try it!) and finally Pethidine. The final needle seemed to do the trick as I was found by my Mum at 8am the following morning sitting in a chair staring in to space... pretty much out of it. From there it's all a bit of a blur. They took me to a birthing suite where I was given an epidural, more fabulous gas and air, had several unsuccessful baths and a horrendous moment on a birthing ball. All of this led to an emergency C-Section at around 6pm as I was "not progressing" and the baby was "in distress". I'd like to mention at this stage that various medical professionals had "measured" me throughout the day and I'd been told I was at 7cm.. the head honcho that finally came in and took charge announced I'd never reached more than 3 and that I should never have been left as long as I had. Nice.

You can perhaps see why the mad dash through the don't-sue-us if-we-kill-you-on-the-operating-table paperwork and being wheeled down to theatre in my bed didn't leave a warm, fuzzy memory of birth for me. I suffered post natal depression, didn't bond with my baby for some months and regularly saw a counsellor who asked me "on a scale of one to ten, how many times have you thought of killing yourself this week?" (for the record I've never considered suicide but apparently that's a standard question).

For the duration of my pregnancy I've had everything crossed that a planned section would be allowed but there has been that doubt in the back of my mind. They didn't have to say yes... they could have thought I was just too posh to push and made an example of me. They could have flat our said no. At the end of the day there's no "good" reason why I can't try labour... but I really, REALLY don't want to. Don't get me wrong if I wake up tomorrow having full on contractions and get to the hospital to find I'm ready to push I'll give it my best shot but in my heart of hearts I don't think that's going to happen. I expect a repeat of the first birth and to be frank... if I don't have to go through it.. why would I? I didn't feel like I was robbed of a magical experience. Labour f***king hurts.. it's not rainbows and sparkles and then the baby appears out of a cloud of fairy dust. There are these mother earth types who will be so against my choice to elect an op but dya know what? Screw them! It's my body, my baby.. my decision.

So when I got the go ahead from the consultant today I felt like jumping for joy. She told me it was totally my call and they would support my decision, went through all of the formalities, told me what will happen on the day, when to arrive, when to stop eating, when to take my meds etc etc. It all seems so calm and straight forward. I can't wait! I'm not saying I'm not scared 'cause by jingo I am.. I'm not relishing the thought of being sliced open and having a serious operation to recover from at the same time as a newborn but I did it before and this time I'm prepared. The date we will go in is 15th November so I know that he will definitely be here by then.. I could go into labour before then and if I do I can call the hospital and they'll operate then and there (or I could give labour a whizz if I was feeling daring). Either way I feel 100% better knowing I have the backing of the doc and they really did want to make it as comfortable for me as possible. I don't know if it's my age or that policies have changed but I'm feeling really positive so far. The best thing is Lee will be able to stay with me for my entire stay.. he can sleep in the chair next to me if he feels like it and can visit whenever he wants which is awesome!

I'm so excited now... Baby Milo will be here 3 weeks on Tuesday!

Week 30

This week baby is 2.75lbs and the size of a cabbage.. I thought a cabbage was pretty big but I'm not so sure now. He is perfectly formed but still very small. He doesn't feel very small let me tell you! This week he's developed an interest in kicking my in the ribs.. so that's nice for him... something new. He's moved around so much I've been googling what he could be doing in there, I'm so curious. Lee has been able to feel him for a while but now it's getting creepy.. It feels like he's pushing so hard against me that I'm going to have a limb suddenly burst out of my belly like the scene from Alien. Scary stuff! I'm going to try my best this week to get his movement on tape again, it was cool before but the movement was so slight you culd barely see it. now he's bigger I think it will be more obvious. I have only 2 and a half weeks left at work which is both exciting and very scary (means it's nearly time).. Once I'm off you can be sure I'll be blogging/vlogging everyday. I'll be sat home all day looking up birth and all the things that could go wrong... it's just the kind of person I am.. big planner... big worrier! My blog will be my venting space. I can't believe I'm at 30 weeks already. It feel so close now. It's gone by so fast bearing in mind I found out early because we were trying I thought it was going to drag but It only feels like 2 minutes ago I was blogging about how I wanted to get pregnant.

Whenever I feel uncomfortable or like I've had enough I try and remember how much I wanted this and this might be the last time I get to do it.. I think that's really helped how well it's gone for me so far. I've started to get aches and pains in my lower abdomen, around the site of my original c-section scar. I was warned by my midwife that my scar tissue wont stretch and so it will start to hurt as I get bigger towards the end. Apparently some women think they're experiencing labour, it can hurt that much.. awesome! I've had a little discomfort in the area and one evening it was really aching but not TOO bad so far... I have a feeling that's going to get worse before the end. The breathlesness is increasing and sleeping is becoming a little more difficult but I'm not tossing and turning until the wee hours just yet... I've had a pretty easy time of it so far... oh and still no stretch marks.. keep your fingers crossed for me! 

 

Week 28

Chinese Cabbage.. Doesn't usually summon images of a cute baby but regardless that's what Zach is likened to this week!

I had a midwife appt this morning .. More blood.. Eugh! She talked me through my last trimester (I'm officially in it from this week) I will have a further appt in 3 weeks then another 3 weeks later.. The week after that I see my consultant who all being well will book my csection for 3 weeks later.. Eek! Its all going so fast. Its like 3 weeks here, 3 weeks there.. BABY! she did tell me I wouldn't be allowed any pre-meds before the section which is disappointing but I'll just have to suck it up and get cut open fully aware of everything... I'm not gonna lie.. I'm not looking forward to that!

Baby Bumpin' and Big Love!

You may have noticed my tiny slide show in my sidebar (I don't know how to make it bigger) well I added this picture to it this week and I thought I'd share a full sized picture. My bump has come out for all to see recently.. the difference in the last 4 weeks is just unreal. I feel huge already but I know I will be so much bigger towards the end. I'm feeling a lot more positive since my last post. I am fairly set on a C-section again as I was originally and since I made that decision I'm a lot calmer. I really appreciate all of you that commented and offered your moral support as well as those that shared their own experiences.. I would love to here from you if you've got some positive c-section memories to share with me (no horror stories please) Every message I get from someone advocating multiple sections makes me feel so much better!!!

To Push Or Not To Push?

I haven't been too nervous of the birth since I first found out I was pregnant and had a minor panic attack. I have always been told I would have another section if I were to have a second child so I psyched myself up for the big operation, convinced myself it was what I wanted and the best thing to do. I went to my 20 week scan last week and met with my consultant (same guy as I had with Ella) for the first time and discussed the birth plan and any issues I had. Given that I had no issues the birth was top billing and he gave me a run down of my options. He basically told me that having looked into the notes of my previous pregnancy there should be no medical reason I can't give birth naturally this time and that when it is possible that is always what they recommend. He took my initially C-section wishes in to consideration but made me aware I may not have that choice. SHIT!

So.. since that day I'm been pretty much freaking out. I go back and forth between what I should do. I'm fairly confident that if I 100% wanted another section I could get one by some means. I have very little confidence that I will go through labour and actually manage to get the baby out without surgical intervention because of my previous experience so in part I think is it not just better to elect the caesarean and know what's going to happen but if I DID manage a natural birth the recover would be 100 times quicker and easier and I would have my body back almost immediately. That's a huge plus point. If I go for the section again we're talking 6 weeks until I can even drive! The discomfort lasts about a fortnight but there's always the risk of infection and other complications with any major operation. They are literally slicing through several layers of me and sewing them all back up.. let's just say it's sore! On top of that I will go in to it this time totally sober. The first time I was pretty much off my head on all kinds of drugs by the time they wheeled me into surgery but I would be seriously aware of everything this time.. that's pretty f***ing scary!

My questions now are

• Will I be allowed to go overdue? (I went 2 weeks with Ella and had to be induced.. I think that's a big part of the reason I had emergency surgery in the end)
• How long will I be allowed to be in labour before they intervene?
• If I do book in for an elective section what happens if I go in to labour before it?

I think they are my big burning questions for my next midwife appointment and knowing me I'll forget to ask any of them but they are really now my deciding factors. I like the idea of going in to labour and it being very exciting and all that but I didn't have that last time, I was 2 weeks late then induced THREE TIMES before anything started to happen and it was then another 24 hours before she was born. I had the epidural and had thr gas and air, the Pethadin.. anything going basically and I was in established labour! I was dialating, I was feeling the urge to push and then I go whisked off in to theatre and sliced open anyway. If I was told for sure I could have a natural birth and that yes of course it was going to hurt and yes I would probably need an episiotomy to get the baby out but I could do it and I would definitely not be given a section then I think that would be my choice but deep down I just know I wont get that. I know if I go in to labour it will all end the same way anyway. The consultant himself said that an elective is always better than an emergency (duh) and I THINK that when I see him again in another 15 weeks if I am adamant that I want an elective section he will give me one but.. what if he doesn't? I just wish I could prepare myself either way. When you've only had a natural labour or no labour at all these questions don't arise but for me it's all I think about.

I'm trying to forget about it until my next appointment for now.. nothing is going to happen between now and another 3 or 4 weeks so I'm trying to just enjoy this phase of pregnancy but that consultant really threw me off my game.

You can probably expect more rambling posts like this from time to time when the stress gets so much I need an outlet but more than anything I needed to have written down my worries so in 15 weeks time I will remember how I felt now and all the questions I have for the man that holds all the cards. He decides my fate after all. I'm completely out of control!

Due Date

I visited my midwife the other day and she confirmed my DUE DATE!

How exciting?

I have a follow up appointment in two weeks time when I'll have my blood taken *eek* and I'll be checked for anemia and such things that can flare up during ones pregnancy. My midwife told me I should receive a scan appointment before my next meeting and I really can't wait. The scan will make it feel more real.. when we can see our baby for the first time it will be magical :) She also said that at the scan they will tell me whether the date she gave me was correct by measuring the baby. It used to be that if the scan was within 5 days of the original due date given they would leave it as is but now it will be changed apparently. I know that wasn't the case when I had Ella, you wouldn't think things would change so much in only 5 years but so many things seem to have so far. Anywho... for now this is the date my baby is due... it may be early as I think I will have another C-Section and they are usually booked ahead of the expected date.

Until next time..