One Week Old

Today my little Milo is one week old. You could be forgiven for thinking he'd had a fortnight in the sun from the tan he's sporting but he is still brand new to us. The midwife visited today, she said his jaundice was improving, he's eating really well and he's actually put on weight which is unusual. Ordinarily it takes babies 10 days to return to their birth weight as they usually lose some in the days following their arrival but little Milo has gone from 6lbs 15oz to 7lbs 2oz in his first week so that's great. He had his heel prick blood test done too which was horrible for me to watch but he barely flinched, no tears whatsoever. He is such a good baby, it's almost like he doesn't want to trouble anyone. I can't believe he's been with us for just a week, it feels like he's been here forever. 

Miss BB

Is my baby OK?

So I took you with me on my 12 week scan and shared pictures of our little one still forming in the womb but I didn't get into the ins and outs of what happened that day. For those of you that don't know the process of testing an unborn baby for Down's Syndrome and other genetic problems has changed since I was last pregnant nearly 6 years ago. You now have the option of a nuchal translucency (NT) scan. During your scan they tell you they will measure the thickness of the back of the baby's neck, they are actually measuring the fluid underneath the skin, this can be used to determine the risk of that baby having Down's Syndrome.

During our scan the sonographer took what felt like an age to measure this and I was convinced there was something wrong. After the scan we received our results from the midwife and the measurement our baby had was 3.1mm. Apparently the cut off is 3.5mm.. so anything lower than that doesn't fall in to the risk category.

There is also a blood test which you can have (didn't feel like I had much of a choice).

The blood test measures:
• hCG (human chorionic gonadotrophin)
• PAPP-A (pregnancy associated plasma protein)
A woman who is carrying a baby with Down's syndrome will have abnormal levels of these two substances in her blood. You are given a result of 1 in ? and the cut off is 300. A woman with a 1/300 chance or higher would be classed as high risk. They told us if we fell in to the high risk category we would be contacted (by phone) within 7 days... if we were low risk we would receive notification (by post) within 2 weeks.

We received a letter yesterday (meaning we were low risk) and informing us that our number was 1 in 536.

It's all very well saying your "low risk" but surely there are degrees of low risk.. they don't tell you what "normal" is because everybody is different but if the NT scan cut off is 3.5mm and we're 3.1mm... wouldn't that worry you? What do other people get? 2mm? 1mm? And 1 in 536 chance of downs.. ok the cut off is 1 in 300 but some people get results of 1 in 1500.. when you put it in to that perspective.. 1 in 536 isn't exactly LOW risk, is it?

When I was having the scan and fearing the worst I thought the baby wasn't okay and I wasn't scared or upset I was practical. I knew we had a higher chance of conceiving again since Lee's test results had been so positive at the last fertility appointment and if this pregnancy wasn't meant to be it wasn't meant to be!

Since then I've thought a lot about it and and I just haven't become attached to this baby yet. I've tried but I'm not. I am excited when I think we're going to have a baby but it's a mixture of not really believing it yet and not wanting to be too disappointed if something does go wrong. So many people both in the public eye and that I know are losing baby's at 4 and 5 months + I feel like the baby isn't really mine until it's here and healthy. Hopefully I will feel more positive soon but right now I'm getting excited... but not TOO excited ... just in case.



Bood Tests and Bad Days

Of all the bad days there have been recently... this has to be one of the worst!

It pretty much all round sucked.

I popped into work on my day off for a mandatory meeting where we were all informed our contract was ending and we will all be out of a job in 4 weeks time.. great!

My period was a day or two late... I took the test yesterday but couldn't help but remain hopeful... mistake!

I got the work and had a cuppa on an empty stomach which on occasion has made me nauseous but never sick. On this occasion I was... in the middle of the meeting where we all got our notice I had to run out to throw up. So there I am thinking OMG I could actually be pregnant when in fact it was just a mixture of the tea and stress. I feel worse today than ever. My period came OF COURSE...

ugh!

anyway...

prior to all that drama we went to the hospital to get Lees bloods checked..

Can I get an "Aww" ?

Bless him, he was a nervous wreck! But the nurse was a pro and he's since said he would give blood if he got a biscuit out of it LOL. I love him for going through this stuff without complaint so far.

As soon as we have the results (hopefully early next week) I will update you all.. in the meantime.. I'm not pregnant and in 4 weeks I'll be blogging full time :p

xoxo

miss bb

Why do I do it?

Why do I do these things to myself?

My Period was due today (tmi? sorry but you can expect that kinda thing here) It's ALWAYS here by Thursday... ALWAYS!! Occasionally it may arrive unannounced on a Wednesday but it's NEVER late!

SO... It got to around 7pm and I'm thinking.. I could be.. it's not completely out of the realm of possibility is it? There's always a chance I could get pregnant right? I mean it only takes 1 sperm and 1 egg..

So around this day every month I feel that rush of hope, I love this time for that reason but hate it for the disappointment that inevitably follows. I always feel the symptoms :-

• sore boobs
• nausea
• menstraul cramps I believe to be "implantation pains"
• increased appetite
• always tired

The list could go on! I convince myself I'm pregnant every month.. every month the day my period is due I take a test... every month my period arrives later that same day. Today (so far) is different. It's 00.47 the following morning (late night) and Aunt Flow is still yet to arrive. At this point I am almost missing her...

Once I know I'm not pregnant I'd just rather get it out of the way. I'm lucky and she normally only visits for 3 days but always over a weekend when I have plans... bitch!

In all honesty if I knew I could get pregnant at the touch of a button I would probably wait a couple of months, maybe 'til we were married.. but knowing we are sure to have more fertility issues down the road I can't lose that time.. and it's not like I'd be disappointed if I fell pregnant now, I'd be over the moon.. just could be better timing. I'm hoping that our run of bad luck will work in our favour and it will finally happen in the most inconvenient month.. I'd take that kind of bad luck any day of the week!!

Anywho... We have to be up early to go to the hospital for Lee's blood tests.

Apparently they are testing for testosterone levels, We got a letter today and the consultant informs us we should receive word of when to expect his operation soon so that's good news... although I think Lee is secretly scared, he's putting on a brave face.

So yeah, I think that's us all updated.. I'll be back tomorrow no doubt, hopefully with pictures of a very pale Lee with a needle in his arm :p

xoxo

miss bb

Second Sample

Well...
We got a letter from the hospital today to the effect of "unfortunately the results of your second sample test were much the same as the first and so we're inviting you in for blood test" The words had barely registered before my boyfriend was freaking out.. Apparently he is no fan of needles and is now panic stricken at the thought of this test. He got online immediately to ask google why the Doc even wanted a blood sample. Did he think he'd find a way out of it? lol. If we DO get pregnant I'm gonna go through a lot worse than blood tests, and that's if it's a NORMAL pregnancy/conception.. if we get in to IVF he's gonna have to toughen up!
So we both have Friday off and I figure that's as good a time as any. My period is due in like 2 days and despite all odds being against us around this time of the month it's difficult not to be hopeful.. So every month I set myself up for disappointment. The sooner the blood test is done hopefully the sooner the op' is booked in and the sooner we can start seriously TTC ...as is right now we're in a bit of a no-mans-land.
I will of course keep you updated on our progress.. if for no other reason than I think in years to come this will be a great source of reference for me and hopefully others.. You never remember everything froma time like this so it will be great to remember each step and how much we really wanted that baby.

Hope you are all well and for those of you TTC... good luck

xoxo

miss BB