Week 38

It would seem the now little Milo is fully formed and ready to go there are no in-utero updates to share. He's the size of a leek and approx 6.8lbs. I missed a midwife appointment so I don't know how big he is in reality but I have my final meeting this Friday, Scary stuff! I have all the little vials to take for them to fill with my blood in case I need a transfusion. I was a little puzzled about this myself as the won't take enough to give me if I do need one so... why do they take it? hmm! I can only assume it's to check I don't have any nasties in my blood before the operation. I have all of my paperwork and instructions of what to do the night before/morning of the operation. I will have to be up at 6am to take a pill which kinda sucks but I imagine I'll be too excited to sleep anyway. I'm getting really nervous about the c-section now. I know it's routine and it's still preferable to going through hours of labour and potentially having to go in as an emergency section anyway but knowing I will be totally lucid and aware of everything freaks me out. I was off my head on everything they'd give me by the time they rolled me in to theatre the first time.. this time will be very very different. I'm nervous of the spinal block going in, I'm nervous of it wearing off halfway through and I'm possibly MOST nervous of the pain that I'll feel after it's all over and I've regained feeling. OUCH! All I can imagine is it will be like people say when they come-to after cosmetic surgery (I watch lots of reality TV) they say it feels like they've been hit by a truck. I don't want to feel like I've been hit by a truck! But this time next week he will be here and I will have to face it either way. 

I'm really hoping that the emotion of his arrival will put me in a bit of a blur and before I know what's happening the Spinal will have worn off and they'll have topped me up with pain killers. We'll see. I'm not scared about his arrival or bringing him home, I'm actually starting to get excited now. It's really happening. As has been the case throughout my pregnancy, nobody is as excited as my Mum. I'm a bit concerned she might explode when she first visits. Ella is excited... off and on.. I think once he's home and well and I'm recovering she will love it but I get the impression she's worried about me because she knows I'm having surgery. I think she's put off her excitement a little for the same reasons I have... just get that bit over with and know that I'm fine and then I can enjoy it. His room and everything is still only almost done. We're going shopping tonight for all of the last bits and pieces we need. More blankets for example... MILK for another. We're nearly totally ready for him. 

Miss BB

It's On!

It's done, it's booked, we have a date! The official ETA of our baby is 15th November.

I have been fretting about this consultant appointment for approximately 9 months and it could not have gone smoother. We arrived at 10.10 this morning, waited an absolute age for the doctor to see us (all the while freaking out on the inside - what if they make me push??? I don't want to push!!!) The doctor arrived and said "so... have you decided on a mode of delivery?" I said "I'd like a C-Section please" and she said... "no problem".

NO PROBLEM!!! I cannot tell you the relief I felt. After my first delivery I was nearly put off having more children altogether. I was 2 weeks overdue and they induced me..well... they attempted! They actually attempted 3 times between 8am and 8pm and at 10pm I was told visiting hours were over and so was left all alone in a 4 bed hospital room.. in the dark. 19, very pregnant and very scared. By 11 I was feeling contractions and I'd experienced some kind of waters breaking (a minor leak I was reliably informed) but I was not allowed anyone to come and be with me as I was not in "established labour" and as I knew.. visiting hours were over. During the course of the evening I was given various pain relief ranging from.. a hot bath (wtf? I was wailing in agony in said bath and did they care? no!) Gas and Air (fabulous by the way... if you ever get the opportunity you must try it!) and finally Pethidine. The final needle seemed to do the trick as I was found by my Mum at 8am the following morning sitting in a chair staring in to space... pretty much out of it. From there it's all a bit of a blur. They took me to a birthing suite where I was given an epidural, more fabulous gas and air, had several unsuccessful baths and a horrendous moment on a birthing ball. All of this led to an emergency C-Section at around 6pm as I was "not progressing" and the baby was "in distress". I'd like to mention at this stage that various medical professionals had "measured" me throughout the day and I'd been told I was at 7cm.. the head honcho that finally came in and took charge announced I'd never reached more than 3 and that I should never have been left as long as I had. Nice.

You can perhaps see why the mad dash through the don't-sue-us if-we-kill-you-on-the-operating-table paperwork and being wheeled down to theatre in my bed didn't leave a warm, fuzzy memory of birth for me. I suffered post natal depression, didn't bond with my baby for some months and regularly saw a counsellor who asked me "on a scale of one to ten, how many times have you thought of killing yourself this week?" (for the record I've never considered suicide but apparently that's a standard question).

For the duration of my pregnancy I've had everything crossed that a planned section would be allowed but there has been that doubt in the back of my mind. They didn't have to say yes... they could have thought I was just too posh to push and made an example of me. They could have flat our said no. At the end of the day there's no "good" reason why I can't try labour... but I really, REALLY don't want to. Don't get me wrong if I wake up tomorrow having full on contractions and get to the hospital to find I'm ready to push I'll give it my best shot but in my heart of hearts I don't think that's going to happen. I expect a repeat of the first birth and to be frank... if I don't have to go through it.. why would I? I didn't feel like I was robbed of a magical experience. Labour f***king hurts.. it's not rainbows and sparkles and then the baby appears out of a cloud of fairy dust. There are these mother earth types who will be so against my choice to elect an op but dya know what? Screw them! It's my body, my baby.. my decision.

So when I got the go ahead from the consultant today I felt like jumping for joy. She told me it was totally my call and they would support my decision, went through all of the formalities, told me what will happen on the day, when to arrive, when to stop eating, when to take my meds etc etc. It all seems so calm and straight forward. I can't wait! I'm not saying I'm not scared 'cause by jingo I am.. I'm not relishing the thought of being sliced open and having a serious operation to recover from at the same time as a newborn but I did it before and this time I'm prepared. The date we will go in is 15th November so I know that he will definitely be here by then.. I could go into labour before then and if I do I can call the hospital and they'll operate then and there (or I could give labour a whizz if I was feeling daring). Either way I feel 100% better knowing I have the backing of the doc and they really did want to make it as comfortable for me as possible. I don't know if it's my age or that policies have changed but I'm feeling really positive so far. The best thing is Lee will be able to stay with me for my entire stay.. he can sleep in the chair next to me if he feels like it and can visit whenever he wants which is awesome!

I'm so excited now... Baby Milo will be here 3 weeks on Tuesday!

Week 35

This week Baby Milo is 5.25lb and the size of a Honeydew Melon. I haven't developed any more symptoms but his kicks are getting harder and more uncomfortable and my nights are becoming sleepless.

Last week I made the unfortunate mistake of commenting on how well I've been during my pregnancy. I haven't had so much a cough since Christmas. This of course meant that since Sunday night I have been as good as bed ridden with a cold. Sneezing and spluttering makes sleep difficult enough without a very active baby bouncing on your bladder I can tell you! I have been very well looked after though and Lee has tried his very best to keep me wrapped up and resting despite my efforts to stay up and about. We did get the nursery finished at the weekend so it's nice to have that out of the way. I intend to film the "tour" this week.. All (me) being well. This is the week of the big consultant appt (Thursday) so that's exciting. I will be blogging immediately afterwards to let you know what's said.. Very nervous but if he agrees to the section and gives me a date.. Eek!! Even more nervous!!!!

Til then..

Pink or Blue?

Ok It's happened.. I'm officially excited!

Tomorrow is the day of our scan and boy oh boy (or girl) am I looking forward to it.

FINALLY we get to find out what we're having. I have the names picked out all ready and waiting so from tomorrow it will be a real person we're waiting to meet. For those wondering the chosen names are Dylan and Lexi (it will be either Alexa or Alexis). Once we know either way I'll get more in to that but they're fairly decided now I think.. near enough definite.. but you do never know til it's born do you?

Ella is crazy excited too.. every morning she comes to see me "2 more sleeps Mummy" she can't wait. She's told me she wants a girl, she's told me she wants a boy and now she tells me there's no point in talking about "we'll get what we're given" haha! Wise words! It's going to be so cool taking her with us to see the baby on screen. Since the last scan when I decided she could come to this one she has been counting down the days so it's a really big deal for her little 5 year old self let alone us grown up's. My Mum is coming with us too.. partly to look after Ella if she does get bored and when I have my consultant appt afterwards but also because she's uber-excited too and wants to see it. At Ella's scan my Mum came along and if it hadn't been for her I'd never have known if it was a boy or a girl.. I was 19, they did the scan and just never said anything and I was so young I wasn't going to speak up so she did and we found out she was a she.

This has been the point I've been waiting for, the thing that I knew would get me more excited and it's finally nearly here!!! The baby has been so active too, I'm still waiting on the movements being consistent and large enough for Lee to feel but feeling him or her move around inside me is pretty darn special I can tell you.. I don't remember how I felt the first time but somehow this time it's different. I've been less excited up until this point but now it feels almost better. It's probably just because this was planned and so wanted for so long. It's taken me a while to truly believe it's happening and now I've wrapped my head around it .. yep.. I'm excited!!!

So.. I will do my best to get some footage tomorrow like last time but we'll just have to see.. we were lucky so fingers crossed! Either way I will vlog and blog and you will all know the result as soon as I do :)



Scan Excitement

It doesn't feel like two minutes ago I got my positive pregnancy test and our first scan is less that a week away. I know this sounds crazy but I still don't FEEL pregnant, I'm going through the motions and I'm excited but I'm not THAT excited yet.. It just doesn't feel real to me. I don't know why I just really can't believe it. I'm really excited for the scan, I remember with Ella that's when it sunk in so I'm hoping it will again but potentially it's not gonna feel really real until I feel the first kick I think. It's just so strange.. I really thought it wasn't going to happen so it's taking me some time it seems.

I will do what I can to get video of the scan itself but if I can't I will at least be able to share the pictures :)